Nancy Haven Howe

Heaven gained a saint, or soon will. We lost our mother, grandmother, and dearest friend. Nancy Haven Howe entered this life on January 5, 1961, and passed into the next on May 17, 2024, with her sons at her hands, and daughter-in-law by her feet.

Nancy’s life was shorter than we would have liked, but full nevertheless. She saw much of the world, but her heart was always at home. She loved deeply, more than anyone we have ever known. She suffered much, but still gave solace to others.  She cannot possibly be described in a paragraph, but paradoxically, can be summed up by a single word: “Nancy.”

Most of all, she can never be replicated. She was hard to impress, but loved easily. She was a devout, self-taught debutante who debated theology while sipping dirty martinis. She prayed for those who hurt her, but still gave them a piece of her mind. She was a “boy mom” and “girl grandma” who would watch sporting events in the rain or mess up her kitchen making slime just to be with her legacies.

She was fabulous, in every sense of the word.

If you know her, you know she had no comparison. If you do not, then you can see her in her son’s personalities and spirits, her granddaughters’ wit and beauty, and in the love she gave all of us in this life, which she is carrying onto the next.

Losing her is a pain that will never leave us, nor do we want it to, because grief is love that lasts. But thanks to her example, her loved ones are resilient and strong.

Nancy earned her reward, and will soon spend eternity the way she lived her life: loving God, loving people, and praying for others. To honor her life, spend yours doing the same.

She was preceded in death by her parents Elliott and Imelda Howe; sister, Sally Howe Smith; and brother, Elliott Howe Jr. She is survived by son, Hunter Howe Cates; son, Dustin Howe Cates, his wife, Margaret, and their daughters Lucy and Millicent; as well as numerous family and friends. In lieu of flowers, please make a donation to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital.

A Rosary will be held for Nancy at 6pm on May 23 at St. Mary’s Catholic Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Her Memorial Mass will be held at 4pm at St. Mary’s on May 24, with a reception at the Summit Club to follow. Her burial service will be held at a later date.