Maxwell Toronto Callard
Obituary
Maxwell Toronto Callard took his own life in the early hours of Tuesday, May 19, 2015, two days after his 21st birthday. We are devastated. We didn’t see it coming; we have no idea what could have driven someone so loved to decide that his life was not worth living. We are willing to share what we do know.
Max was the sweetest, kindest, and most loving person any of us knew. He was also sensitive and empathetic, particularly to those who were facing inequity, large or small.
He could tap into others’ sensitivity. As a child, his method to avoid getting into trouble, say, after biting his sister and getting thrown out of church camp (just recently, she admitted that she bit him first), was to look at you with the most sincere expression and say, “I love you.” That would be followed by his signature smile. Let’s just say he wasn’t punished much.
It was amazing how someone whose most uttered statement growing up might have been, “how come no one told me?” five minutes after (not) listening to a conversation could sense and empathize with the potential hurtfulness of words and actions against others and himself. His Uncle remembers a time when he said something to his wife in a sharp tone and Max immediately went to her and gave her a hug. His hugs were magic and abundant. In high school, a friend gave him a tee-shirt that said “World’s Best Hugger.” He wore it proudly.
Max did not abide intolerance in any form. If he thought that another was acting in a closed-minded way, he didn’t just let it go. Sometimes he tried to enlighten by engaging in thoughtful conversation. Sometimes he simply acknowledged the differences. On more than one occasion Max joked that with a (comparatively) liberal mom and Buddhist dad, his views regularly differed from other Oklahomans.
We fear that being sensitive and different in a world that seems increasingly desensitized set him up for this tragedy. As co-captain of his BTW high school swim team and member of the ATO fraternity at OU, where he was in the joint Petroleum Engineering/MBA Program, Max was regularly welcomed into groups but often felt that he didn’t quite fit in. He wasn’t a conformer and wasn’t willing to lose his sense of self to “fit in.” He just wanted to be accepted as he accepted others.
In recent years, we have had the honor of watching our silly, goofball Max turning into a man – he had developed a great handshake. He seemed to be thriving and his future was full of promise. We were so proud of him.
No one will ever know what caused our beloved Max to believe that just being himself wasn’t enough; our time with Max could never be enough. However, our family takes great comfort in the absolute knowledge that Max knew we loved him, and that he loved us. In lieu of flowers or monetary gifts, we request that you simply take the time to practice consciously the compassion, acceptance, and understanding that so predominated Max’s character.
Max is survived by his parents, Amy & David Newsome and Jeff Callard; his siblings and their families: Sofia & Ashton Gacsal and their daughter Samara, Natalia Callard and her daughter Finley, Kyle Callard and her son Harlan, Chris & Lindsey Newsome, Jeff & Erin Newsome and their daughter Layla; loving grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and all of you that loved him, and them.
“You can either be right or you can get along.”
Events
Tributes & Memories
I love you.
Sofia
Lit a candle in memory of Maxwell Toronto "Max" Callard
M
I want to help people because of you. I miss your hugs.
M
Dear Jeff and family, Judy, Harold and I were shocked and devastated to learn of the passing of Max. I pray that you find your inner strength to face the days ahead. No one can understand the unfathomable pain unless you have experienced the loss of a child. You are in our hearts and thoughts. Love, Marlene
Marlene Glass
I am so sorry for the loss of Max. I find it heartbreaking to know how much he had already accomplished, and how bright his future seemed. Please know that you are all in my prayers. Ms. Johnson Lanier Elementary
Leeta Johnson
We at St. Luke's who remember Max's light when he was little are holding Amy, Sophia and Jeff in our thoughts and prayers with love.
Mickey Walsh
First of all, I am deeply sorry for such a devastating loss. My family recently went through the same deal on December 1st, 2014. We are still asking ourselves why didn't we see it. Like your Max, Kelly was the most thoughtful, kindest person I had ever known. Thank you for sharing so candidly about your precious son. My prayers are with your family.
Sara Atkins
Although I only met Max a handful of times, he was always so very kind. We, The Chaid family are so deeply saddened by your loss. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. God Bless. The Chaid Family
Theresa Chaid
Jeff: Our deepest sympathy for you and yours.
Alan and Jean Nelson
Jeff, we are so very sorry for your loss of Max. For a kid that was punished little, he must have said, "I love you," a lot. We take comfort in knowing he meant it as well.
Mark & Shanon Marks
We are truly sorry for your loss. Even though we didn't know Max, we feel he will be missed by everyone that know him. We did know his Grandparents Bob & Ann. Are just wanted the family to know we are thinking of you during this difficult time. Love & Prayers Ron & Beverly (North Carolina)
Ron &Beverly Potts
My heart goes out to the whole family and anyone who had the pleasure of knowing Max. He was my oldest friend, remaining true to his sweet self throughout the years. There were periods when we had not seen each other for months, but every time we happened to reconnect, his refreshing smile, giggle, and loving personality were all the same as they had been since when we first befriended each other. I don't know that I have met anyone with a bigger heart. In March, Max surprised me by coming to my birthday party with a gift in hand after months of not seeing each other. His thoughtfulness took me by surprise and just filled my heart. Max truly was a gift to us, reminding us to stay caring and loving despite anything else. We will all cherish his memory and the joy that he brought to all of us, remembering to hug courageously and to love above everything.
Nikki Sharber
Dear Amy and David, I cannot imagine your grief and loss in saying goodbye to Max. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers. We have shared your loss with extended families "back east". We will continue to follow Bob's progress in Denver and hope for a speedy recovery. Your written remembrance on this website really helped us know Max and what a wonderful young man he was. Wish I could give you both a "Max size Hug"! With Love, Uncle Allan & Aunt Linda
Allan and Linda Croll
What a beautiful obituary for a beautiful soul! As I know many others feel, I truly felt love for Max like he was one of my own boys. I said to one of my boys as we left Max's funeral today, if this happened to Max then it can happen to any of us. I want to hold all of you wonderful young people and not let go. Please know each of you has more to offer this world than you realize! If you ever get down and lose hope, try to remember someone out there loves you more than you know or realize at that moment. Let us all tell each other OFTEN how much we love each other!
Mary Williams
So very sorry for your loss.
Larry and Julie England
My heart hurts so for you and your family. Words fail. May the peace that passes understanding be with you.
Nancy Bolzle