James Bridwell
Obituary
James Benjamin Bridwell was born September 2, 1931 in Tulsa, OK to Chalon Elmis and Mary Catherine (Brunson) Bridwell and passed from this life on May 21, 2011 in Tulsa, OK. He was known as Ben to just about everyone he knew, with the exception of me the writer. For me, he was just Dad.
As a man who loved to drive a car he took the exit ramp from this life just one week after his wife of 56 years, Peggy Valeria (Cowan) Bridwell passed away on May 14, 2011. They accomplished what many only dream of - they lived and left this life together.
Dad would have been 80 years old in September. He sold life insurance for Metropolitan Life. He was good at what he did. His passion in his later years was helping my mother in her gardens, building models, and driving my mother nuts. Yes, he was VERY good at what he did! Growing up in my pre teen and teen years was rough because my dad was also an alcoholic. It wasn't until I left home that he decided to join Alcoholics Anonymous. He stayed off the bottle since then. He was not ashamed to say he was an alcoholic but none the less he felt guilty about missing out on my sister's and my growing up years. As an adult I always responded to his bemoaning by reminding him of all of the other alcoholics that he helped and carry through the tough times in their own lives. It is this part of my father's life that I am the most proud of.
Strangely, it is things that my dad said that stick in my mind. I not only remember them but have actively passed them on to my once young children. No they are not words of wisdom nor words you would expect from a University Of Tulsa graduate as he was; but they are words to live by: "That will put hair on your chest" or how about "That will put led in your pencil". He was also fond of asking my sister and I to - "Pull my finger". She and I loved that one! And who can forget some of his favorite musical bands such as: 'Billy Banana and His Bunch - the music with a peal' or 'Nick Nasal and his Nine Nasty Nose Pickers playing I'll Be Glad When Your Dead You Bugger You - now pick it out there Tex'. As Bob Hope (one of his favorite comedians) would say and I would concur to my dad, "Thanks for the memories".
And then there were those moments that I or anyone else present could not forget. Times, like so many of his generation - where entertainment was getting the family together to view a projector slide show of my parent's latest journey to one of our nation's many national parks. All I can say is that my dad (and my mother) loved rocks! Or how about the time at my sisters wedding rehearsal dinner where he recited to the group a current Far Side comic strip involving buzzards. He laughed himself silly and us as well - especially after the twentieth time he re-enacted it. Thanks dad for the many - and I mean many great laughs and excellent photos of rocks!
The passing of married couples in a very short span of time between one another is not unique but it is not common either. For me, it brings a smile on my face because it completes their 'one of a kind' union together. While cleaning my parent's home, Sandy ran across a photo of my parents sitting around a table with friends. It was taken after they were married during the time my dad was proudly serving in the United States Air Force and my mother was a nurse in the Navel Hospital on the island of Guam. They were so young. That is a part of their lives I do not know. But it was that part of their lives (their union) that I became part of the rest of their story.
Of course we will all meet our maker one day. For my father he was preceded in death by his parents; his wife; his daughter, Dorothy Ann Bridwell; his brother, Perry Bridwell and his half sister Mary Jane James. Those whom in time will meet up with him are me and Sandy his daughter-in-law; his brother and sister-in-law, Richard & Judy Bridwell; his son-in-law, Robert Hallman; and his grandchildren, Kyle Bridwell, Erin Bridwell and Laura Hallman.
A combined CELEBRATION for Ben and Peggy will be held on Friday, June 17 at 2:00PM at Ninde Brookside Funeral Home. If you plan to join us we hope you will consider sharing with everyone a moment that either of them (or both) touched you; profound or funny. Just like in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, you may remain anonymous to everyone; but you won't be able to stop the feeling of compassion and friendship from all of the soles present.
My entire life has been spent in the theatre in one capacity or another. In the tradition of the theatre there is an element (a ritual so to speak) that the public never sees. It is reserved for those who have made the theatre their life. So to my parents, who would understand, I say - "See you at the theatre - the ghost light is always on."
Profoundly Remembered And Loved By His Son
Matthew Wayne Bridwell
Events
Tributes & Memories
Peggy & Ben Bridwell (from the June 2011 St. John Auxiliary Newsletter) The recent passing of Auxiliary members Peggy and Ben Bridwell within one week of each other serves as a lesson in the strength of commitment. Several years ago, my husband and I danced at the Bridwell's 50th anniversary celebration and had the pleasure of meeting their extended family. Grandson Kyle spent several summers with us as a teen volunteer and I know that Peggy wanted little Laura to join the Auxiliary too. Peggy Bridwell made a life-time commitment to St. John. She attended nursing school here and had a career spanning more than 30 years as a St. John IV Nurse. She is remembered by many staff and quite of few medical center volunteers. Peggy also recruited (dragged) her husband Ben to join us and he spent many an hour volunteering instead of doing his favorite hobby of making intricate ships in bottles. How many people do you know with that kind of commitment? Peggy Bridwell spent most of her adult life at St. John. What a special blessing that she and Ben were not separated for too long in the end. Peggy was fond of signing greeting cards "Go with God". Go with God, Peggy and Ben. With deep affection, Laurie Thomas, Director St. John Auxiliary
Laurie D. Thomas
All my love to you, Matthew. You are a credit to your dad and a blessing to all of us.
Aunt Gini
Dear Matt & Sandy, I am so sorry for your loss. I am blessed to have known them all as were anyone who knew them. As fortune would have it I got to know Ben a little later when I was getting sober over 25 years ago. He was always there to help someone who was suffering. The loss of one parent is always tough but two....I simply can't imagine. The comfort as you have said is that they went together and that is as it should be. Words don't really come easy for me in times like this but I wish for you peace. You are in my prayers. Love Tim
Tim Fox
Dear Matt, Sandy, Erin and Kyle My deepest sympathies go out to you at this difficult moment. It was so special to be able to meet Peggy and spend time undefined this year. I am sorry that I did not meet Ben but I feel I know him in some way for all the beautiful things Bob has shared with me about him. Peggy sent me a card a few days before she past that said Nancy Love is all that prevails. I was so touched by her compassion and sweetness. Mat God be with you all, and may He bless both Ben and Peggy. With love and prayers Nancy
Nancy Raffa Hallman
This is not really a story so much as it is a remembrance with snippets of stories.
I have been a son-in-law to Ben and Peggy for 25 years and have known them for 32. We've been through many life events together: weddings, births, vacations, road trips and, of course, the tragic loss of their only daughter, Dorothy, my first wife, seven years ago.
They have always treated me as a second son and I always viewed them as a second set of parents, despite the separations of time and space that thwarted more frequent interactions between us. I take some comfort knowing that they loved me so and that they so willingly accepted my own love for them.
Most recently, my new wife, Nancy, had the opportunity to be in Tulsa on business at the end of March. Together we made arrangements so that Nancy could meet the family that she had heard so much about. I am grateful to Nancy for the courage it took to meet the family of my first wife and I am also grateful to Ben, Peggy, Matthew and Sandy for welcoming Nancy with arms wide open.
Shortly after that, or right around that time, we learned that Ben had been given a point-of-no-return prognosis. I made arrangements to get from NYC to Tulsa. Ostensibly, I was coming to "say goodbye." I had not been to Tulsa in five years, much to my chagrin, as I was rebuilding a life, my own, that had been nearly destroyed by the loss of Dorothy.
The visit was fantastic, even though the reason for it was somber and difficult. As we parted ways, I gave a nice warm hug and kiss to both. On my way out of their house, Peggy gave me a very strong hug and once again said those words: "I love you like a son." I take great comfort from that goodbye and I feel very lucky that I had the opportunity to say goodbye to both of them with love and affection. The shock of Peggy's sudden death just 10 days later is still sinking in with me...
I should add here that Dorothy loved her parents very dearly. She was very proud that Ben courageously fought and defeated his alcoholism 35 years (or more) ago. Peggy was a rock of strength for Ben and for Dorothy, and it was Peggy that Dorothy turned to in her hour of need when her own disease, cancer, took a turn for the worse in early 2004. She asked Peggy to fly in to New York to help care for her because she could see I was coming apart at the seams trying to juggle care for her, Laura (our daughter), my job, and our home.
Peggy flew in for what was supposed to be a one-month stay when Dorothy had an infection. One month later, on the day before Peggy was supposed to be flying back to Tulsa, Dorothy suffered a massive stroke. We canceled Peggy's return and I'll always be grateful for the sacrifices she made as well as the entire family - Ben, Matthew, Sandy, Kyle and Erin - so that Peggy could help out with a situation that had gone from bad to very, very bad and had become dramatically chaotic. Peggy stayed with us through Dorothy's death on August 6, 2004 and the burial, on August 12. And immediately after that, my home felt very, very empty.
I will miss Ben and Peggy very much. They shared a deep and abiding love for each other and it was evident no matter what was happening in the moment. Ben needed someone like Peggy and vice-versa. One of the miracles of love is how two people find each other and then build something truly great. They serve as an excellent example of that miracle, which now lives on in the relationship between their only son, Matthew, and his wife, Sandy.
They are all together now - Ben, Peggy, and Dorothy - reunited and watchful over all of us. I take strength from that even as I continue to share my love with Matthew and his family, who survive them.
With enduring love for those among us and those who have moved on - Bob Hallman
Bob Hallman